Ask Mama Cubana Week 6
By Gigi Anders
Being the child of a Cuban mother means being subjected to profanity early and often. Not because you did something bad, necessarily. Cuban Spanish is simply filled with casual vulgarities woven into everyday speech.
Here are the basics:
You kind of get immune to coño, a multipurpose curse as common as café con leche. Since every Mama Cubana is always loud, in a hurry, and speaks in exclamation marks, coño often gets condensed to ño! Depending on which syllable gets accentuated, it can mean dammit, wow, or ouch. Coño! We’re running late and you’re wasting time! CoñññOOO! Your room looks so tidy and clean! Ño, I just stubbed my freshly-pedicured toes on your toy!
Que mierda may loosely (and politely) translated to What a dump/piece of crap/disappointment. You go to a movie and there’s stale popcorn on the floor/ you notice the crusts haven’t been trimmed off your kid’s friend’s birthday sandwiches/the contents of the box of chocolates you mailed to your Mama Cubana arrive melted. Que mierda.
There is also comemierda, or shit eater. It is used as a synonym for fool, sucker, or the imbecile going too slow in front of Mama Cubana in traffic.
H.P., or Hijo de Puta, literally means Son of a Whore, but to show restraint, you can say the acronym, pronounced. ah-cheh-PEH. A guy cuts in front of Mama Cubana while she’s driving.
Joder. Mama Cubana’s personal favorite, as it has so many uses. Coño, no me jodes mas! Dammit, stop fucking annoying me! Que jodedera. What a clusterfuck. Te jodistes. You’re fucked.
Kraft Macaroni & Cheese may not be Cuban, but they could be. According to the company’s recent survey, 74% of moms swear in front of their kids, and swear more than dads. And that’s okay!
With Mothers Day upon us, go to Kraft Mac & Cheese – Swear Like a Mother to download and create three hilarious cards any mother – especially a Mama Cubana – will love.
Happy Mothers Day, coño!